I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
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