you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
