My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
