my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
