please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
