grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
