I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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