My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
