After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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