based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
