shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
