She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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