Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
