went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
