saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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