no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
