its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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