Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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