Don't make out with my wife yet
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
