Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
