names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
