hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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