Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
