I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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