The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
