Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
