they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
