Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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