you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
