Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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