Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
