Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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