Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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