your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
