and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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