I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
