I CAN MOONWALK!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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