Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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