I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
