I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
