i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
