From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
