Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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