Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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