too bad you live with your parents still
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
