Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
