he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
