I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
