I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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