How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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