Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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