dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
