i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
