Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
