I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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